Saturday, August 12, 2017

Abba, We Belong To You (a response to Charlottesville)

“Abba, I belong to you.” This lyric, this truth, this proclamation, has been echoing in my mind and heart all day. What a beautiful thing it is to be so wholly loved by God that He came down and died because we cannot save ourselves.

While I resonate with these words, there’s this part of me that wants to sing it with multitudes of voices joining the chorus: “Abba, we belong to you.”

With what has taken place today in Charlottesville Virginia, my heart has been grieved, my mind questions, and I am yearning still to sing this over my brothers and sisters.

Saturday, July 22, 2017


As the oldest child in my family, it should’ve been my joy and honor to obey everything my parents told me to do and steer miles clear from everything they told me to stay away from.

However, I the only girl of the family (besides my mom); I the only one with a name that doesn’t begin with J; I had to prove myself a force to be reckoned with.

I enjoyed arguing--having the last word was essential because I was obviously right. I had to finish whatever I was doing (probably playing another video game) before completing the task my hardworking parents graciously asked me again and again and again to do. And if I knew there was something I could do to get my brothers in trouble, you can bet I was doing everything in my power to ensure they got what I thought they deserved (sometimes I liken my younger self to Candace Flynn).

Rachel means ewe, or female sheep. Sheep are supposed to follow and obey their shepherd. But disobedience was etched somewhere between the letters of my middle name. A N disobedient N.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Residing in the Faithfulness of God

I liken myself to Gomer, the prostitute wife of Hosea. I relate to Jonah, the prophet called by God who ran away from God. I understand Elijah's depression and desire to die.

So often I cry out to God in silence, wondering where He is, asking Him why I struggle so much with anxiety and fears and unwanted thoughts. What more can I do for you to make me whole again, God? How do I get out of this place of brokenness? I...can't do it--I'm not strong enough.

"I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13)

Okay, maybe I'm looking at things wrong. I can't save myself. I can't control my thoughts. I can't just decide to release my anxiety by my own willpower and strength. Only JESUS can. I keep trying to take control, take hold, of my life, expecting everything to be just fine, but I need to submit to the One who has cradled my soul before I ever took a breath.

Why am I so fearful when time and time again God has proved He is Faithful?

It comes down to letting go and trusting God. And my oh my even though our Abba is a GOOD Father and He is LOVE, that is still so hard for us control-freak self-absorbed humans.

We are not faithful beings, but the One Who called us into being, is the epitome of FAITHFULNESS.

"Come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

Oh, Lord Jesus, I am so weary of taking my life into my hands, thinking I can control my thinking, and keep everything going smoothly. Help my unbelief, and tear down the walls I have put up so I may surrender to You. I give you my heart, my mind, my soul, and my life--you've had it in the beginning. Please take me and do what you will. Spirit speak to me again, draw me close into a garden of intimacy once more and let your Love and Light and Life overflow. I trust you, Jesus. Thank you for your faithfulness and that You are God and You are GOOD. Amen.

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Looking For Beta Readers (for a novella)

LOOKING FOR: Beta Readers || Water & Pen ||I'm an INFJ. This means I'm a perfectionist and hold myself to high standards nobody should have to reach. This is why when I don't reach those standards I feel like a failure. More often than not I don't reach these standards.

I'm also in college. Lately I haven't written much of anything and, as a result, end up feeling not only empty and unfulfilled but like a failure. I know I'm supposed to be writing but it's so difficult to actually do in college. I've started and stopped story after story and felt very much like I've failed when I can't commit to finishing one work in progress but keep hopping from idea to idea, never making it out of the world building or plotting stage, and give up the idea and characters altogether.

It seems I have a bad case of the 'flitters' (stay tuned to future blog posts to learn what this means ;) and I can't stick with just one thing. This is frustrating not only to myself but to others as well.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Sent Forth - A Kenya Trip Update

   photo from Andrew Itaga     
Water & Pen || A Kenya Trip Update, Sent Forth             11:13. I’m sitting in my grandma’s kitchen, in a little corner at a table with a beautiful Christmas tablecloth and my dorm room tree in the center of it. The snow is waltzing circles out the window, Josh Garrels is making merry on Spotify, and Grandma is chopping potatoes for lunch.
            This morning I read chapter 10 of Matthew, all about Jesus sending His disciples out into the world for short term missions to the lost sheep of Israel. I feel that this passage is sort of timely as tomorrow at one in the afternoon I will be leaving for the airport to travel across the world on a two week short term mission.
            Chapter 10 is full of Jesus’ wise words to His disciples and there’s a lot that we can learn from them. I want to focus on a few key verses and dissect what I thought this morning as I read them: