Wednesday, June 28, 2017
I liken myself to Gomer, the prostitute wife of Hosea. I relate to Jonah, the prophet called by God who ran away from God. I understand Elijah's depression and desire to die.
So often I cry out to God in silence, wondering where He is, asking Him why I struggle so much with anxiety and fears and unwanted thoughts. What more can I do for you to make me whole again, God? How do I get out of this place of brokenness? I...can't do it--I'm not strong enough.
"I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13)
Okay, maybe I'm looking at things wrong. I can't save myself. I can't control my thoughts. I can't just decide to release my anxiety by my own willpower and strength. Only JESUS can. I keep trying to take control, take hold, of my life, expecting everything to be just fine, but I need to submit to the One who has cradled my soul before I ever took a breath.
Why am I so fearful when time and time again God has proved He is Faithful?
It comes down to letting go and trusting God. And my oh my even though our Abba is a GOOD Father and He is LOVE, that is still so hard for us control-freak self-absorbed humans.
We are not faithful beings, but the One Who called us into being, is the epitome of FAITHFULNESS.
"Come to me all you who are weary and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)
Oh, Lord Jesus, I am so weary of taking my life into my hands, thinking I can control my thinking, and keep everything going smoothly. Help my unbelief, and tear down the walls I have put up so I may surrender to You. I give you my heart, my mind, my soul, and my life--you've had it in the beginning. Please take me and do what you will. Spirit speak to me again, draw me close into a garden of intimacy once more and let your Love and Light and Life overflow. I trust you, Jesus. Thank you for your faithfulness and that You are God and You are GOOD. Amen.