Thursday, April 30, 2015

How to Write Blacking Out {Or How it Feels}

So, there I was, minding my own business, taking a shower, right? I was in immense physical pain and trying to hurry up the process. And all of a sudden things started getting weird.

The pain increased about times ten--I'm sure it was the most pain I've ever been in. And then...I realized...I was about to black out. Okay. So after a little while of standing there, feeling the symptoms, I was like: I don't know what to do but I should probably sit down.

Let's talk about how this felt. I mean, shoot I've gone through so much these past few days. Almost getting a black eye to almost fainting. Man.

What goes into the sensations of blacking out:

1. Bright colors in vision.
So one of the first things that happened was my vision started to go. At the corners, these brightish flashes like when you stand up too fast started to creep in. It was freaky. And then it was in the middle and I was like, Uh NO. I'm not blacking out in the shower.

2. Ringing in the ears. 
Okay, so my ears always constantly ring anyways, but that's a story for another day. When all this other stuff started happening, the ringing in my ears got immensely louder. Like, almost to the point that the noise of the shower I was in was drowned out. And I knew that wasn't good. I remembered a time when I was little and it was New Year's Eve and my ears were ringing and somebody told me that was a sign you were about to faint. So they had my lay down until it stopped. It didn't stop, but I didn't faint. I guess so started my life living with ringing ears. But I remembered that and I was like: SHOOT. This is BAD.

3. It got hard to breathe real fast.
All of a sudden I was struggling to breathe. Like, I didn't know what to do. I was trying to take deep breaths, but it was so difficult. I don't even know how to explain it. I could hardly speak or anything. I was praying out loud because I was so scared I was going to black out in the shower. I thought maybe it was a mind thing triggered by the pain I was in, so distracting myself would help, but I couldn't even sing. Just so we're clear, it was not a mind thing. Okay, but back to the breathing. It felt like I was breathing in hot air but not able to breathe it in fully.

4. I knew I needed to sit down or something.
I could tell something was wrong--obviously, because it felt so weird--but I knew I needed to sit down or get out of the shower. The problem was I hadn't finished showering and there was still tons of shampoo in my hair and I didn't want to deal with that if I ended up fainting outside of the shower. So I pushed back the shower curtain and sat down at the edge of the tub, not caring if water got all over the floor. Dude, I didn't want to die. Like, it was so scary.

5. Tingling and Trembling.
So my hands and feet were all tingly and stuff and it was real weird. I also couldn't stop trembling. But that lasted for a little while during and after.

6. Exhaustion.
Afterwards, I was exhausted. I got a late start that morning--about eleven thirty--because after I'd gotten the gumption to actually partly get ready, I slept for about an hour. First I'd tried to read my Bible but my eyes kept fluttering closed. I managed to read one chapter of Ezekiel before I was like: Okay, I'm going to sleep. I can't keep my eyes open any longer. (Don't worry I was actually sleeping, I didn't black out). I didn't wake up until Mom came in and checked on me.

7. Fear.
Okay, fear during and after. I was first of all afraid of blacking out and what could happen. I could bump my head, breathe in water, etc. Afterwards, after I sat for a good long time and finally felt it would be okay to finish my shower (it really wasn't but I had to do it. I couldn't sit on the side of the tub forever), I was afraid of standing up again. I didn't want to have the blacking out vision or the ringing ears or the difficulty breathing. So I finished my shower, my mom helped me and gave me pain meds, and I sat on my bed for at least half an hour. I was afraid that if I stood up that the sensations would come back. It had freaked me out! But as I sat there on my bed, I prayed and God's peace washed over me.

God Bless! I hope this is useful! And, no, I don't go around wishing to black out just so I know how to write it. Man, weird stuff just keeps happening to me!

Rachel

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